Now That You're 30!

Your thirties are important building blocks for your future. I think mine could have been better if I truly knew how to love myself. Much of your thirties are built off of the work you put in during your twenties. But if you think you didn't do enough in your twenties, all hope is not lost!

I spent my twenties thinking I figured life out till life threw me for a loop. I became a single mom and began my journey of carving out a career and life for myself.

I didn't know what careers were best for me. Your grandparents said I should be a lawyer because I loved to argue, a lot of others said that I should get into modeling because I am tall and good-looking. I decided to go the academic route and enrolled at Schoolcraft college.

I got a degree in business administration and started selling cars when I graduated. That was great fun! I did really well. But during those years I kept running into my inner demons. People challenged my success and because I didn't know myself or believe in myself I fell into a vicious cycle.

You see I came from a lifestyle of clubbing, hanging out with my friends, and having lots of boyfriends. I was good at this lifestyle, it's all I knew and how I grew up. 

When I decided to do something different and make a better life for myself, I was a fish out of water. I thought I was supposed to behave one way, and success would magically happen. But I was wrong and I didn't understand why I kept fucking up. 

I entered a world where I didn't know the rules and life became difficult. I never gave up and now after knocking my head against many walls and falling down countless times, I think I finally cracked the code to living the successful life I've always dreamed was possible.

After twenty-five years(birth to age 25), of living one way, I understood the rules. I learned them from birth and even though I was a bit of an oddball, I was accepted. I even thrived, because I lived within the boundaries I was taught I should stay within, but when I started wanting more for myself, I didn't understand I was challenging the status quo. 

It took twenty-five years(25 to now), to learn a completely new lifestyle. Breaking old patterns that kept me underachieving was difficult because I thought they were normal and right. Little did I know, there are different rules for every level of life. And you have to learn the rules of where you want to be while unlearning the rules of where you are at, this is the journey of life(part of it anyway). 

I am going to give you a golden nugget here! Life is an ongoing journey, you never arrive, and you only reach one goal or goals, to continue onto another set of desires. Learn to love the journey! Staying stagnant causes depression, that's why learning new things, like sewing, etc. is so exciting. It's the beginning of the opening to new dimensions of life. God has as much or as little as you desire.

Over Coming Abuse

I dated a few idiots when you were growing up, and I am sorry about that, but I thought I could make them love us.

I have learned you can't get approval from someone that doesn't approve of themselves. I have learned you can't be in harmony with someone that has different values. 

I have also learned you can only be loved as much as you believe you deserve love. Getting divorced from your dad really made me feel like a failure. Being a single mom made me feel like a failure. 

I was doing all the things I knew to make myself better, but inside I was believing paradigms that conflicted with my actions. Ultimately my choices in relationships mirrored how poorly I felt about myself. 

I didn't have anyone to give me the know-hows of how to get to where I wanted to go. But God put me back together again piece by piece. He knew just what I needed to get me to change the ways I thought were right.

I pray that my bad relationships didn't harm you. I pray that none of those jerks ever touched or raped you. It was bad enough that you picked up dog shit(with a shovel), in Steve's basement for punishment. 

You saw me being abused and I know that had to be painful.

God forgive me and I hope that you forgive me also. 

You have seen the best and worst of me. 

God knew what you needed to be what he created. Take all of your lessons and use them to make you better, don't sit in shit, always get better. You were made for miraculous things, believe in yourself and win!

Here are Some Major Bullet Points

• forgive yourself out loud every day for everything that you think you've done to cause yourself or anyone else pain. Do this till you are released from the bondage of its shame. 
• love yourself! If you don't know how to love yourself, find a self-help book or listen to motivational speakers like Lisa Nichols or Tony Robins to show you how
• believe in yourself! You have got an amazing person to help you through life and that's you. Believe in yourself and believe in your dreams. 
• never give up! You can make it! Pray, read the bible and find solitude in the moment. 
• don't be afraid! You got this, fear is more real to your thoughts than it is in reality. 

Finally, I love you, and Happy 30th Birthday!

Mom